Stop, drop, and roll!
Just kidding, I once had social anxiety, and let me tell you, those days are over. Praise the heavens!!! Anyways I was brought here to serve others and spread joy and kindness. These are the exact 3 steps that was the antidote to social anxiety:
It’s all in the mind my friend, once you master the mind, the body will follow.
Social Anxiety affects about 40 millions adults which is about 18% of the U.S. population. The worst part is only about 37% actually get treatment while the others have to live with this miserable illness or maybe it’s a curse! What’s even sadder and shocking is the fact that many with this illness have to deal with it for at least 10 years or more before getting treatment. That’s 13.3% of their life behind bars if you assume the average person lives to 75 years old.
We really want to cover this vital subject because this epidemic is out of control and not stopping anytime soon. It won’t be easy because each individual has their own sets of complications and we can not cover them all, however we have some solutions that may help you deal and conquer social anxiety.
Here are 3 topics concerning social anxiety that we will address:
1. What causes social anxiety.
2. Living with social anxiety denies you of freedom.
3. How to break this curse and start living your life.
I myself used to suffered from social anxiety from an early age of 12-21; so I can relate by actual experiences and I am willing to share what and how I was able to finally vanquish this curse once and for all. No doctors, treatments, family, books, or other sources assisted me in this battle.
It may be hard to believe but I fought this battle alone; every sweat, blood, and tears was damworth it because this is my life and I WILL live it to the fullest and I’m not going to let social anxiety win over me. We all have the right and luxury to a wonderful and great life (1st and some 2nd world countries), don’t let this beast consume you of such commodity.
1. What Causes Social Anxiety
1.1 Social anxiety consumes life
*Let it consume you or break free.
Social Anxiety can arise from many complications, circumstances, environmental factors, and one can even be born with it.
As for me I had complications including: severe acne (worst of the worst), being shorter than the average Caucasian, and I had to get a military haircut every 2-3 weeks (My mother was very military oriented and I was in a youth military program so short hair was a must). These 3 demons pave the way to a 10 year life of anguish and misery and was the culprit of my social anxiety.
So my #1 social anxiety problem was, drum roll… talking to attractive girls and going to school. I wanted to look handsome or beautiful all the time because I like beautiful girls / women so I believe that in order to talk to them, I had to be handsome or beautiful as well. Of course I didn’t even think I was good looking at all.
Being attractive makes one confident, well for me it does. (usually as oppose to being ugly, yes? yes.) Boys or men have more of this problem than girls obviously because we are the ones that usually have to initiate a conversation. Having dark red acne along with a face that can cook eggs on a hot day (my face was extremely oily), a height stature of 5’6″ which is 3.5 inches below the average American male, and a haircut that I despised for all my teen life definitely made me shy and ashamed of who I was.
I finally learned to accept who I was and used it to control and live my life the way I wanted too. This took a few years to accomplish but the fight was well worth it!
1.2 The outcome
Another huge issue I want to address is public speaking. 238 million people have a fear of public speaking, about 75% of the U.S population, or 3 out of every 4 of you reading this. The first time you’ve spoken or perform something on stage to the public, it wasn’t easy and you’ve probably stutter, froze, or just couldn’t perform.
Well, what caused it? You’ve never done it! Your body doesn’t know how perform since it was the very first time.
Inexperience, not being well educated, facing the unknown, fear of rejection, being ridicule or humiliated, not impressing theers, and all the negative outcomes are a natural sign of social anxiety.
And that’s normal and perfectly fine. Trust me, the first time I dance on stage with my classmates, I felt pure fear and nervousness, however after the performance I could see and hear the crowd applauding and cheering. I felt liberated; what was this feeling?
Before I was anxious and afraid but now it was a complete 180 degrees. The 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 50th time it felt amazing. If you give the audience what they came for, then they will return the favor.
*The feeling of accomplishment outweighs that of fear.
1.3 You don’t have it bad
People with mental or physical disabilities believe in their mind that they can not accomplish something because of the way they look or think.
That’s facts and backed by 10 years of personal experience. There are people who literally have extreme disabilities like a deform face, being super short, missing limbs, etc. Every time they are out in public, do people not stare, maybe laugh, and video record them?
I can not describe such a feeling, it must be agonizing to the point of death? If if weren’t for the wickedness of mankind, then such feelings wouldn’t simply exist.
Key Take Away
Life is cruel, bad things happen to people everyday. Somethings are impossible to overcome while others can be with immense determination. The sooner you accept what you have the better and the best part is you can overcome many things, you just have to believe you can and work at it.
2. Living With Social Anxiety Denies You of Freedom
2.1 Life Is Fair
Life isn’t fair and somethings are not controllable, therefore we either have to deal with it or fight it.
When we accept the fact that life is fair by being unfair, then it will be easier to live.
If not, then we will live the rest of our lives in despair, regret, and misery. Having certain disabilities that can not be fix (unless their is a huge surgery cost) like missing limbs or a deform face, then it just means that it will be extremely difficult to overcome your problems.
This guy has a great youtube channel where he interviews people with all kinds of disabilities. They tell him how they feel, deal with their disabilities, and how they want people to treat them. You should really check them out if you think you have it bad!
Family and friends are like angels. They truly are the ones that will help you no matter how you feel or look. But making new or more friends may be difficult.
Is it not better to have one true good friend than 100 fake friends and why would you want to hang around with people that just use you or bring you down? I’ve had “friends” that used and took advantage of me and that was one of the worst feelings a human can experience. I now choose my friends wisely and carefully, that is why I very few friends.
You have one life, and an infinite amount of chances. Why suffer and live in misery for the rest of your life. Is not death even better? Life is life, please remember that; it does care about anything. The only thing life has to do is simple exist; and I think that is what most of us are doing anyways.
We have choices in our lives. We can chose to be miserable and make excuses each moment or we can learn how to deal with those issues and use it to our advantage.
Life wants you to exist, only you can decide how you want too, even under the most difficult circumstances.
I was damtire and miserable for 10 years of my early life. If I wanted happiness and to live how I wanted, then I had to change, and change NOW. Everyday felt like carrying a stone on my back, eventually I was not going to be able to continue any longer.
*Life is not fair, but how you make of it is fair.
2.2 Sex Is Not Everything
Sex is a part of life and probably 99% of us want it, maybe require it. If social anxiety is hindering you from wanting to have sex, then what can you do to change it? If you can change the way you look due to being fat, having acne, or you think you look ugly, then it’s possible.
Change your diet, work your ass off so you can afford surgery, and whatever it takes. Think about it, for 10 years you’ve suffer and wanted change. Are you still going to sit there and think about it or will you actually do something about it?
Sex is not everything, but there are other things just or almost as amazing as sex. Traveling, seeing new cultures, tasting new food, meeting new people, etc is amazing and everyone should do it at least once in their lifetime. Locking yourself inside your own prison doesn’t make matters any better.
If you can’t have what you want (right now) then maybe runner ups or substituting it with something else can be just as good. If you keep focusing on negativity and something that is not realistically achievable, it will consume you and give you a world full of pain. Maybe experiencing 100 good things is the same as experiencing one best thing, maybe?
Appreciating what you already have and don’t have will be the key to a beautiful and happy life.
Oprah Winfrey and many rich and successful people know that. I work abroad and travel at the same time. I have very very very few things in my possessions. I’ve already learn to accept and love myself because this is who I am until my death, I may as well enjoy the time I have left.
After all life itself for me is the greatest gift, and I didn’t even ask for it!
Key Take Away
Is it not better to enjoy and do what you can when you can. Instead of living in pain which doesn’t do you any good. Why not just enjoy and do the things that give you happiness rather than dwell on the pain of your problems.
3. How To Break This Curse and Start Living Your Life
3.1 Challenges Are Meant To Be Broken
800 people attempt to climb the worlds tallest mountain, Mt. Everest each year.
About 8300 have successfully reached the top. One of the greatest feat in human history and even death doesn’t stop them. How bad do you want it, how much sacrifice and pain is require, will you stop at nothing to get it?
It just means you have to practice, practice, and practice until you’ve finally overcome it. My severe acne cure as I got older, but I am left with huge indented scarring, large pores which is still the cause of my extremely oily face, and this is for life unless I paid for surgery which is not cheap.
Being a healthy vegetarian which was no easy choice and not a very tasty one either but it helped me tremendously with my facial appearance. Instead of whining all day, I did something about even though there was no pleasure in it. Eating junk food, sweets, smoking, excessive drinking can worsen my pores and makes my skin even oilier so I have to eat quite healthy.
It does make me jealous that my friends eat the crappiest food, smoke, and drink all day and have a face that’s much better than mine. But you know what, I can’t control how they live or what they do, so I have to make changes to myself and sacrifice a few things in my life in order to be confident and live the way I want.
My height will remain like this forever so I have chosen to accept it as a blessing rather than a curse. Now, I kind of like short hair even thought I’ve hated it all my life. It took me a few years to change and accept what and who I am. When I did, amazing things happen and I was able to talk to whoever I wanted too and do whatever I so please.
If someone doesn’t like me for who I am, then they are not worth my time or value.
3.2 Meditation and Happiness
If I can only recommend ONE thing to overcome social anxiety, it would be meditation.
I have been meditating 2x a day about 10-15 minutes in the morning and evening or night.
Meditation has the power to change the way you think and act.
If you meditate on the solution of your problem instead of dwelling on it; you will start to live in a new reality. You see, your opinions and thoughts are real. They are your reality and no one can change that.
Life doesn’t make sense but it lets you think. Think about negativity and problems and guess what… they start to appear in your life.
You attract things that you give energy and focus to.
Happiness it is a state of mind, a by product; you can achieve it easier than you think. Social anxiety is keeping you from being happy because it is stopping you from doing what you want. We explained that happiness is the journey and not the destination.
When we are focus on fulfilling our goals to reach happiness, we are forgetting that the journey is the most important part and don’t enjoy the process. If you are happy during your journey, then you will have the best destination. Do you not realize that the journey is 99% while the destination is just 1%?
Have fun talking to people and don’t take it so seriously. Get use to rejection and try again, take it as a learning experience, not a negative and humiliating one.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you, don’t let a few moments dictate your entire life.
Winners never give up and they welcome whatever challenge is given to them. Failure is a friend of success, giving up is not. If you keep persisting you will eventually succeed, I guaranteed you; logical calculation states that you will succeed unless you really are just that bad.
No one who has accomplished some big goal did it in one shot flawlessly. Elon Musk, spent years in a small room working extreme hours day and night. He taught himself how to program and about rocket science; look at him today. Everyone has problems, makes mistakes however the strong are the ones that know if they don’t face it or do something about it then they will never get anywhere in life or conquer their problems.
*Meditation will change how you think and feel.
3.3 Motivation, and Purpose for Living
You can’t talk to new people, fear big audiences, or being in public makes your hand sweat.
What is it going to take for you to face your fears?
You can study all day, ask people, watch videos which I suggest to do first but if you don’t go out their and try then it’s never going to do anything for you. I can study how to be a singer but if I can’t sing in front of people, then what is the point? Motivation and your purpose for living go hand in hand. Being tire and in constant fear can be a great motivator.
I sure as hey was, 10 years was already enough, and I was damsure I wasn’t going to let another 10 years pass me by, especially 10 miserable painful years. Eventually you’ll have to break out of your shell. Social anxiety is the main issue here, so what is it going to take to break it?
Do you long for the good life, overcoming your fears, trying new things, and not being afraid of rejection or ridicule?
If you don’t ask, you won’t receive.
Why are you living?
You don’t have a choice in that matter but how you are living; you have every choice.
When you overcome your social anxiety, amazing new things will start to happen. Motivation is putting in more hours than your peers, going to places no one dares to go, pushing beyond your limits, letting nothing get in your way of success, make and controlling life the way you want. You will enjoy life more, have more confidence to do things, maybe new chances will open up, experience a new life outside your home, and so forth.
Aren’t those things just so much better than being in your own prison. Then there is your purpose for living. My purpose for living is to help, educate, and further mankind to a new age of freedom and living. I will talk in front of millions of people… butt naked if I have too.
Are you existing or living? Your purpose in life is your ultimate reason for living. Why are you letting social anxiety crush that dream? You have to face your fear and overcome it.
Practice, have someone help you, study about it, do whatever it takes. I overcame my social anxiety alone; no one helped me but I was able to do it and I’m sure as hey you can too.
Well that took a while, I hope that 15 minutes was able to transform you. Now go, go on and enjoy life and don’t look back!