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I am 57 no children and retired after 37 years of factory work. I am lucky there BUT I worry that as I age I will have no friends and no one to look out for me when I get real old!
The problem is I just don’t care I don’t want to bother making friends I enjoy being by myself I don’t like stress I don’t like aggravation and I don’t like problems and I have none of that, but I have no friends. I don’t want a date I don’t want to go anywhere I really enjoy being home specially after working 35 years and traveling all over the place it’s nice to take it easy
right now I’m healthy but what’s going to happen in 15 years when I’m approaching 80 it’s kind of a scary,
I’m kind of stuck I don’t know what to do, but I do worry what’s going to happen in 15-20 years if nothing changes
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Hugs to you. I don’t know how to help. But, maybe you can have comfort in knowing that you’re not alone with this fear. This is a three year old post so I’m not even sure if your situation is the same. But, I’m 59 and I can relate. I’m married to a man who is 67. I’ve been disabled my entire adult life. I’ve never lived on my own. When I was 24, I moved out of my father’s house and moved into my husband’s house. I literally don’t know how to be alone. Now, I realize that, statistically, I will outlive my husband and I’m scared. I don’t want to be a burden to my daughter. She has her own life. My best friend who is also my only “real” friend is dying of cancer as I write this. I’m just majorly freaked out because if my husband dies before me, which is likely, I won’t have any peers. Apparently, I’m not “alone” in this situation. I guess a lot of older people fear being alone. I had no idea. I mean, I didn’t think about this until recently…that I might be alone when I get old. It is scary indeed. And, the money thing is always lurking. My husband and I are fine now. But, I never worked so I have no pension of my own. When, he dies, my income will be cut from $5200 per month to $2000 per month. Luckily, we own our home out right and we have zero debts. But, if I have to go into assisted living at some point, 2 grand won’t be enough to pay for it. I can rent out my house. But, I’m not sure that the rental income will be enough either. Assisted living is very expensive. And, I don’t want to be a burden to my daughter. I would rather die… literally. It’s hard to be old in the US. You live. You contribute. You pay taxes. And, at the end, you have zero assurance that you’ll be okay. Sad.
I understand how you feel. I am 64. I live in a different state from my family and friends. I rent an apartment. Go to work like a good drone. Come home to an empty quiet place. People will tell you all kinds of things to do they say will help. What I do to try and help my loneliness is to go out to coffee. Be amongst people. Once you go there long enough people that work there will know who you are. That starts a cycle of friends. I’m not saying that will work for you. It might. Or get yourself a fur friend. They always are glad to see you. It even helps loneliness. It is also a convention starter. You state you do not have money. Well you have some. If you can get online to post this you must. Find something that works for you.
If you don’t have family you can’t do anything about it since we can’t choose our family. I’m a 21 year old man without much friends to go out with but I still go out on my own even if I have to use a wheelchair so maybe you could do like I do to make new friends. If you want to make money try to do something from home like buying things on Ebay and sell them for more cash or write a book, that way you would have a hobby & have your own business.
Hope I helped you 🙂
Update: Now I’m 28 years old & I made some friends to hang out with, Hope your life has turned out to be better, if not just keep strong & don’t ever give up!
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One of the best ways to get love is to give love, and a great way to end loneliness is to reach out to others who are lonely and in need.
- Foster a couple of kids. (Honestly, I don’t know the requirements, age limits, etc., but if you qualify, there are many children in need).
- Mentor in a community that needs you.
- Start a social group for men your age where you get together once a week to play cards, shoot pool, or do something else you want to.
- Look around your neighborhood for a single parent, or older adult or someone who needs you and give them a hand. Loneliness is at epidemic levels with something like 1 in 3 experiencing it. Because no one wants to be rejected or to seem pathetic, people remain lonely out of embarrassment. At least 1 in 3 people within a mile of you could use your support or friendship. Start paying attention to who needs you and show up for them in non-creepy ways.
- Volunteer at a hospital or somewhere where there is a need.
- Look for one of those community or cohousing living situations.
- If it’s an option, leave the US for a country that treats its elderly kinder.
Through one of these options, you may find someone who would welcome you into their life. People are forming all sorts of families these days. The modern family is a group of people (or even one person) you bond with who shows up for you. Also, you don’t mention intimacy and finding a life partner. I wouldn’t give up on that! The number of people who want that type of connection is also high. Don’t rule it out 🙂
As for money, you’re still fairly young. You could be retrained in a profession that isn’t ageist. Buy insurance to cover final expenses to check that off your worry list.
I hope you get some good advice here and 2019 is the year you change your situation.
I’m a woman in the same boat. I do have two cats and they certainly help to brighten my day with their antics and companionship. ❤️
My plan is to take Social Security at 62. I am going to buy a small trailer and a vehicle to tow it with and I am heading out west to live as inexpensively as I can manage. There are groups of people in our age group who are doing just this, full time. Look up Bob Wells RV living on YouTube. Bob kind of fell into being the guru of RV living, his tips are invaluable. Plus, he’s a super nice guy and will answer your question directly.
You can park you RV on BLM lands for free and buy summer passes to State Forests for nominal fees.
I was originally planning on packing up and moving to central Mexico because of the cheap COL and I may still end up there. The current exchange is 21 pesos to ONE American dollar! The expat lifestyle appeals to me as well, I think we need to get out of our comfort zones and live an interesting life instead of rotting away on our couches with our clickers in our hands. YouTube has tons of expats living in Mexico, too.
Check some of these options out, you may find yourself on a completely different path in this life.
- Hi. I found this while typing in a depressed thought much like your post title. I read a few replies. I have come back to tell you i empathize. There is no money after essentials here, but i would be glad to correspond if it would help. I hope you are better now… happier. ☮️
Yes. I feel the same way. Am I going to outlive my savings? I had to stop working last year at 69 because I was on my feet for 9 hours. But mentally I felt connected to society. Now I feel bad because I am not living the life I want to live. A job gave my life meaning. Now I just don’t know what to do with myself. Feeling weak and tired all the time. I have to force myself to do stuff that I might have done last year without thinking. Can go for a month or two without bathing.
well i am almost 50 and divorced. as for myself i dont give a crap if i am alone when i die. if thats the way my life is supposed to end then theres nothing i can do to change that. you have to really look deep inside yourself and ask is that what you really want someone to be with. do you want the heartache that comes with a relationship this late in life. dont tie yourself down to just one woman. get out there and walk up to the next attractive woman and ask her to coffee if coffee goes well ask her to dinner….most attractive women dont get asked out alot. simply because guys are afraid to ask or they think shes taken. as for me i dont want to be tied down . i go out with several women and they all know i dont want a relationship. some of it is sexual and some not, once you get a few coffee dates you will see you will have more fun dating other women than just 1….and know some women are gonna say i am a pig well oink oink baby,,, women do the same…
It is sad to see many of us would follow your step into die alone, but few things that if you do now maybe of a change
1 go to a church, where you will find people are more interested in their life before and after death, and they are truly helpful people if they are true believer, do not worry if you are not welcomed in one church, go as many as you can, you will find one that you feel like back in your own home with people like your families.
2 go to some Buddhist group where you can learn how to deal with the fear and feelings of being lonely.
3 do volunteer work to help other lonely people which you will find there is a definite return when you needed help. This helps in my life, I always do volunteer work in help others, and I find a help always available for me when I needed. My last three years volunteer work is to help lonely elder people get out of their house for a coffee, tea or an appointment in hospital. Most people doing this work are in their 70s, I am doing this work at young age because I know helping others is the only way to help myself. I am young but alone too, when I helps others, I don’t feel myself so all lonely feelings is healed whilst with others.
Hope you find a way that suit you.
All the best